


Talk to Me

by Faltering_Light



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 04:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19349512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faltering_Light/pseuds/Faltering_Light
Summary: Spock is forced to face his worst fear: losing his bonded





	Talk to Me

There was an explosion, and everything snapped into sharp relief.

Spock caught a glimpse of his Captain pulling the delegate preceding him to the ground as he turned to do the same to their Doctor. He barely had enough time to forcefully propel him to the ground and cover him with his own body before a second blast went off, this time right above their heads. A seeming eternity of rubble raining down, the surreal quality of the experience amplified by the ringing in his ears, passed within seconds. He had time for a misplaced thought- the trail they had been traversing was cut far too close to the cliff it wound against, given that it had provided the opportunity for this assault.

His assessment was biased at that point.

His sense of hearing recovered somewhat, and he heard the Doctor yelling in addition to the ringing in his ears and the cries and shouts of pain and, from his Captain at least, a demand to sound off.

“Damn it, Spock, get the hell off of me! If you were so damned set on pulling a fool stunt like this you had best believe you’ll suffer the consequences!”

A third concussion, from somewhere behind them this time.

“Doctor McCoy, rest assured, I have no intention of avoiding your examination. However, had you taken the brunt of the blast, you would likely be in no condition to treat anyone, much less myself.”

“Spock, you can’t use that as- as some sort of damned excuse to take the damage yourself!” Even with the exclamation, it was clear that McCoy understood and agreed, and was simply too rattled to calm himself and disengage.

“Mr Spock! Doctor McCoy!”

“We are unharmed, Captain.”

“Speak for yourself, you green-blooded menace. Now get off of me!”

He carefully pushed himself up and rolled to the side, ignoring several points of sharp pain and the blood trickling from his shoulder. A glance in the appropriate direction showed the Captain already moving, quickly taking stock of the condition of the other delegates and the security team. He refocused on his more immediate surroundings to find a scanner being pressed to his temple, undoubtedly joined to the tricorder in McCoy’s other hand.

“Doctor, I do not believe we have time for this at the moment. It would be advisable to seek cover.”

“Damn it man, sit down!” McCoy maintained his hold on his tricorder even as he used that same hand to shove him back down. He had not realized he was making the attempt to stand. Fascinating.

“Bones, we need you further up the line- from the looks of it, no one took any serious damage, but I’d like you to take a look at Ensign-”

“Wait just a damned minute, our favorite computer here’s knocked a few wires loose.”

“Bones?” The Captain looked as confused as he felt.

“Doctor, I am not experiencing any cognitive difficulties.”

McCoy stopped frowning at the readout long enough to grace him with an incredulous look before turning to Jim with a more serious expression. “Jim, he’s got one hell of a concussion, not to mention all the bruises and gashes from using himself as a living shield.”

“Is it safe for him to move?”

“Well... Technically, but-”

“Then get him stable and get moving, Bones. We need to get somewhere safer than out in the middle of nowhere like this- the council chamber is another mile from here, we have to get moving now.”

The Captain didn’t wait for a reply before he was moving again, intercepting a passing Security member and immediately diving into a discussion regarding the appropriate way to handle the changes to their situation. What had formerly been a quiet excursion to escort the Pwil delegates to the appointed place for negotiations with the fu’Fiat- a meeting intended to cease the war between the two species, rendering the planet peaceful- was now anything but.

He was distracted by pressure at his side. It seemed the Doctor had immediately begun to nitpick over him instead of moving to assist the Ensign up the line as ordered.

McCoy gave him a worried look. “Spock, I was ordered to stay and help you so we can get moving.”

His brow furrowed- and that felt strange, though he was uncertain as to why- and he opened his mouth to disagree.

McCoy beat him to it, yelling at the Captain. “Jim, we need to get him back to the ship, now! He’s in no condition to be running around down here, especially if we end up being shot at!”

“Bones, we aren’t going to be shot at.” Jim- the Captain- was abruptly in front of him again, resting a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder.

“Right, like we weren’t going to get blown up?” It was quite satisfying to witness McCoy turning his indignation towards the Captain instead of himself, no matter how often it occured.

“Point taken. Ah... Fuck. Giotto!”

“Captain?”

“Stay here with Ensign Henderson to cover these two while we go on ahead.”

“Yes, sir.” Giotto moved into a position he undoubtedly believed would be best suited to provide them with cover if it became necessary.

Everything blurred and shifted. Suddenly there was the scent of burnt flesh and phaser fire, Giotto was unconscious on the ground several feet away, Henderson was... Well.

McCoy was on the ground as well, and he hesitated a moment before reaching out to brush the back of his fingers against his cheek- still alive. Still breathing. Unconscious, but he felt the slight shifting in reaction to the light brush of his own mind- far from a breach of privacy, a little surface check like this, but he pulled away anyway to avoid waking him. He brushed aside the dim awareness that such an act, while not being a breach of privacy, was very much a breach of propriety.

He carefully gathered the Doctor to him as he woke, hoping to help him become at least a little more comfortable before he became fully aware. It was likely futile- in addition to several smaller abrasions and punctures, some still bleeding freely, there was a very nasty phaser burn covering a disturbingly large portion of his side. Still, perhaps his lap would prove to be less... The ground was covered in bits of shrapnel from the explosions, sharp slivers of stone- of course his lap would be more comfortable.

He snapped back to a more focused state as McCoy gave a low cry of pain. “Doctor, please remain still.”

“Spock?” After a visible struggle, McCoy managed to open his eyes. To his shock, the battered human smiled. “Of course I have to be dying when I finally get to be held in your arms, darlin’...” A sharp inhale, a wet cough. “We would have made a hell of a couple.”

“Once again, Leonard, you are incorrect. I contacted the Enterprise ten minutes ago. You are not dying, and I will see to it that you are in my arms again after you have recovered adequately.”

He lost himself for a moment in his beloved’s eyes, taking in the richness of color and depth of emotion. He startled when they slid shut again. “Leonard?”

“Mm...”

“Leonard? ...Leonard?”

\-----------

Spock woke abruptly and immediately took stock of his physical condition. Heart rate high, respiration rate high, muscle pain in areas indicating that he had held himself at an extreme level of tension for an extended period of time, weakened shields... A common set of findings after a nightmare of this caliber.

After a few moments to restore his bodily functions to something closer to standard, he turned to evaluate his bedmate. Leonard looked as he always had in sleep- calm, open, relaxed; his bonded almost always slept sprawled in such a way that he had at least one hand extended towards him if he was not, in fact, actually on top of him.

Tonight’s distance was likely prompted by his own behavior of late. Since their excursion- the very same one his dream had pulled from most heavily- he had been a little... distant, to phrase it kindly. The few inches between them were quite likely to be Leonard subconsciously reacting and giving him the space he desired, even in sleep.

He reached out and lightly brushed his fingertips against Leonard’s palm and then over his side, sighing softly at the feel of the bandages beneath his beloved’s shirt. It would be another two days before it could be removed safely. Phaser burns were insidious enough without being packed full of sand, and they had to be certain that it was clear of infection before a dermal regenerator could be used safely.

That was the reason Chapel had given him, at least, likely with the intention to spare him a small measure of worry while his bonded was still unconscious. Truthfully, however, after having a few organs partially regenerated along with the muscles that had been seared through, Leonard simply did not have any reserves left for the devices to pull from. In such cases, the remainder was either left to heal on its own or treated with much shorter regen sessions over the next several days, if not a week or two. That it had already been three days and six additional sessions, the bandaging still covered such a great area said much about the severity of his injuries.

He brushed his fingertips ever so lightly against the line of Leonard’s jaw, lightly traced the bridge of his nose, but hesitated before touching his lips. He retracted his hand and carefully slid out of their bed. It was proving difficult to process his emotions regarding the incident fully. The nightmare indicated as much easily enough- disjointed visuals with only partially correctly replayed dialogue were not consistent with his usual dreams by far, and for that matter, nor was simply revisiting memories.

Perhaps a few more days would prove sufficient to fully recover. In the meantime, there was no reason to bother his bonded with the details of his current problem. Leonard did not need the additional burden added to his own, more physical recovery, nor would he appreciate dealing with the problem when he was attempting to “catch up” on- or more accurately, nitpick and reorganize to his exacting standards- all of the paperwork that had been filed in his division both because of the incident and all of the smaller injuries and general proceedings of Medbay since that time.

\-----------------------------------------

Leonard was getting pissed off. Well, really, he was worried, but mostly he was pissed off. That damn hobgoblin was hiding something. There was no telling what, but as it turns out, Vulcans, for all their fussing about not feeling the dreaded things called ‘emotions’, felt them even more than humans! This fed into, privately at least, Spock being an exceptionally romantic and physically demonstrative individual. Spock backing off of that for any reason was strange, and he just couldn’t pin down why he might be doing so now. The only thing he could think of was if he’d somehow managed to stick his foot in his mouth while coming off of sedation. Again.

He had thought they had that particular problem sorted out now, though. After about a week of ignoring each other (Spock ignoring him) and yelling and generally seeking a confrontation (from his own end), they had finally sat down and talked it over. He’d apologized and given a run-down on how sedatives can lead to a complete lack of filter in humans, Spock had apologized for unknowingly overreacting, and they had renewed their pact to actually sit down and talk things over when things like this happened instead of doing what they had done. At least that one had only been a week, and really, it had only been four days so far this time- it wouldn’t hurt to give him another day or two to say something this time around, right? He probably wouldn’t appreciate him butting in before he had that wonderfully complicated brain of his wrapped around the issue properly.

He swore softly, rocking back in his chair. Putting it off would probably really just land him in trouble, but it would be much easier to give into that niggling bit of doubt, the invasive little voice that told him he’d lose the best thing that had ever happened to him if he pushed too hard. It wasn’t helping that poking at that burst of light and warmth in the back of his mind was... well, not as bright and warm as it should be. That particular piece of Vulcan voodoo was supposed to mainly be an indicator of his husband’s health, both physical and emotional. But. He wasn’t familiar enough with it yet to know if Spock needed help... or if he was blocking him out on purpose.

He swore again and surged to his feet when a burst of noise outside his office culminated in Chapel yelling for him. He would have to make a decision later, and maybe this was just a sign that it would be better to wait him out anyway.

\---------------------------

Waiting had been a mistake. Leonard grimaced as he read through the file again. Weight loss indicated- small yet still significant given the rate of the loss. Minor impediment of reaction time. Minor impediment of thought processes- and they’d had to hook him in for a neural scan for those, standard practice now since they’d figured out that Spock would intentionally hide things from them no matter who was handling his physicals. They were going to have a talk about that, too, now that he thought about it. He needed to get it through that stubborn idiot’s head that he’d worry more if he was hiding things about his health from him, not less as was probably the intention. Especially given that he’d only started pulling that shit with him after they started... dating, or whatever the hell you called it when you were on a damned tin can floating in the black and not planetside.

Okay, he could admit to himself that that was a bit uncalled for. Both he and Spock had managed to put together little bits and bobs and take over a little piece of the Enterprise other than their respective quarters for an hour or so here and there, and that hadn’t stopped now that they were Vulcan married. He for one wasn’t going to let those little get-togethers fall by the wayside even after they got hitched the human way too, as soon as Jim stopped cooing at them and actually sat down and sent the paperwork through. ...Damnit, Jim had probably done that right off! He really was a sour old cuss when he was this worried.

And this was a pretty damn good reason to be worried. He started skimming the file again, taking in every little reading that denoted the anomaly. His damned husband was having night terrors and hadn’t told him! Not even one little word! Screw letting Spock come to him in his own time, this was getting taken care of ASAP.

\-----------------------

“Spock, are you busy?”

“My response depends on what you have need of, Ashayam.” Tonight’s pattern had already been broken- he usually slipped into bed with Leonard and either napped for a time or simply listened to his bonded’s breath and heartbeat for a time before getting back up. After a few hours of paperwork and perhaps twenty minutes or so of meditation, he would carefully rejoin Leonard in their bed and sleep until either their alarm went off or one of them was called on shift for an emergency. Today, however, due to a rather time-consuming incident on the bridge, he was a bit behind and would likely need to skip that treasured moment with him.

Leonard set a padd on top of his own and crossed his arms over his chest.

He glanced through the file on the screen and straightened more fully, strengthening his shields reflexively. “I am not.”

“Good answer.” A beat and Leonard sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Want me to make you some tea? I... We really do need to talk about this, but it’s... This isn’t an interrogation, so we should...” He interjected a sharp gesture towards the couch. “I don’t know, get you comfortable first, if that’ll make it easier for you?”

“I-” He bit down on his initial, purely reflexive response. He would not actually prefer to remain where he was, seated at their shared desk. Leonard was no doubt aware of that. Further, it would be unwarranted and perhaps even disrespectful of his bonded’s efforts here to insist that he was incorrect. “Yes, I find that to be agreeable.” He stood and moved to the couch, sitting in time to watch Leonard start sorting through his teas.

It was usually comfortingly domestic to watch Leonard sort through the containers, opening a few and sniffing the contents and visibly deliberating, weighing variables known only to himself as he decided which he should prepare for each given occasion.

This time, he set a deep green, cloth-covered tin aside and found their favored mugs. A Vulcan blend, one they both favored, that Leonard was familiar enough to prepare properly. Unlike most earth teas, this one required water that was warm yet far short of boiling. Too cold and the flavor was sour, too hot and it became quite bitter, but within a certain range it was pleasantly sweet.

He closed his eyes and took the opportunity to do a simple breathing exercise and order his thoughts. Tonight, the familiar sight was proving to increase the tension he was feeling instead of assisting him to relax.

His eyes snapped open at the sound of his mug being set on the low table in front of him. A brief glance showed Leonard frowning- unfortunate. He had hoped Leonard had missed him startling.

“You alright?”

“Yes, I... I simply became distracted.”

“Looked more like you fell asleep.”

“I did not.”

“Mhm.” Leonard sighed and sat next to him, still holding his own mug. “What was it, then?”

“A brief meditation.”

Leonard winced. “Should I have... Fuck, I probably should have given you a warning before we actually sat down and talked about this, but I didn’t... I’m worried. This is... Hell, I know it’s not as bad as it can be, but you... Recently, at least, I mean...”

“As of late, I have been better about informing you if I am unwell.”

“You usually trust me enough to.”

It was his turn to react unfavorably, though he simply looked away instead of recoiling to any degree as Leonard had. “This is not a matter of trust.”

“What, then? Why did you... You have to have been trying to hide this, I usually...” He lifted a hand to his mouth, briefly covering his mouth. “Or did I just... Was I not paying enough attention the past few days?”

“I did not wish to burden you while you recovered.”

“To burden- Spock! You hiding things like this is a hell of a lot more of a burden than you just coming out with it!”

He straightened further. “I.. Yes. You have explained this before.”

Leonard eyed him for a moment in a way that made him exceptionally nervous. “That’s not really it then, is it?”

“...Perhaps a small part.”

Leonard sighed and frowned down at his mug, the sight of which prompted him to take a sip before placing it out of the way on the table. “What’s the rest of it?”

“It is... difficult to speak of.”

“Definitely emotional, then, and nothing good.” He sighed again and leaned back. “I didn’t think it would be, at least. Nightmares don’t usually come for nice reasons.”

He did flinch that time before he could still himself.

“Oh, Spock.”

He startled at the touch when Leonard cupped his cheek, but reflexively leaned into it immediately after. “My beloved... Ashayam, I almost lost you.”

Leonard sounded calmer now, almost thoughtful. “That’s happened before, but you’ve never reacted like this.”

“I was holding you, yet I failed to assist you.”

“Oh.” Leonard stood and tugged at his arm, not quite forcing him up as well, but definitely indicating that he should follow. When he acquiesced, he was led to their bed and nudged to lay down.

“Leonard, I fail to see how this will be conducive to our discussion.”

“Humor me.”

A soft huff- not quite a sigh, he was displaying more emotional responses than usual by far, too much to want to give in to that particular source of expression at the moment- and he did as requested, only for Leonard to shift him and push at him until he was laying on his side instead of his back.

The purpose for this was made clear when Leonard joined him, pressing close and kissing the tip of his nose. “Much better.”

“I am gratified that you find this to be more comfortable than our previous location.”

“Snarky bastard.” A soft smile and a more proper kiss, still in the human fashion, was followed by Leonard shifting back just enough to reach up and start combing his fingers through his hair- another movement he was quite happy to lean into. “Darlin’, you had a concussion, and a real nasty one at that.”

“I am aware.”

“Not a guilt thing, then?”

“It is not.”

“Tell me?”

He closed his eyes and lifted a hand to briefly touch his fingertips to Leonard’s cheek- a quick brush of mind against mind, just for the reassurance of feeling him so vibrantly alive- before settling his hand on Leonard’s hip. “...Helplessness.”

A sharp intake of breath, another, softer kiss, more lingering this time. His next words were whispered, gentle. “That’s a real nasty one... ‘M not sure how to help with this one, love.”

He gave into the urge to sigh this time. Expressing emotion in the presence of family was acceptable,especially so in solitude with one’s bonded. Aside from his fear, there was no reason to hide anything from Leonard, and his fear was illogical- Leonard had proven as much to him over and over again. “I do not believe that you can. However...”

“However?”

“It has... eased me to share this with you.”

“Good. That’s good, Spock, I’m glad for that.” Leonard shifted slightly, moving even closer. “Would telling me about your nightmare help, y’think? Maybe?”

“It may.”

“I’m all ears, darlin’.”

“I... am unsure of where to begin.”

“The beginning, maybe.”

“...Indeed.”

Leonard gave a soft laugh and kissed his cheek. “We don’t have to do this now, if you’d rather wait a bit. Not too long though, mind, this won’t do either of us any good if you try to wait until after you’ve stopped missing sleep.”

He was still amazed every time he witnessed Leonard like this, gentle hands and gentle words and tender care, as opposed to his public gruffness and grumping. He had never thought to see it outside of an examination, so each moment like this was kept and treasured, tucked away in his mind to be pulled out and examined later- like a carefully pressed and preserved flower, just as beautiful and just as delicate.

And he was stalling.

“...It begins with our last mission, immediately prior to the explosions the Pwil exclusionists set for us.”

“I’m surprised it isn’t later than that.”

He shook his head, careful not to dislodge Leonard’s hand. He required the comfort of his petting, and likely would continue to throughout this endeavor. “That is where it began.”

Leonard hummed his understanding. “When you got yourself concussed.” A soft hiss of self-recrimination. “No, I know-”

He silenced him with a kiss. “Enough, Ashayam. I know it is simply a manner of your local syntax.”

“Still, it’s worth sayin’. I’m not mad at you, darlin’, never was, even when it was happening- you just scared the daylights out of me, takin’ that for me. It was terrifying, only being able to lay there and watch.”

“Then you understand, to a degree, what I felt later throughout that day.”

“A bit, at least, all the time. It’s never fun watching you and Jim tear off into danger, throwing yourselves in the way of everything you can in the name of protecting everyone and everything around you- but I can at least lean on knowing I can patch you up afterwards.” The unspoken ‘if you live, if you make it back to me so I can’ hung heavy in the air.

He slid his hand back to brush his fingertips up Leonard’s spine, a reassurance for himself as much as his bonded, and resettled his hand flat between his shoulder blades instead of returning it to his hip. “It follows through until Jim issued his orders to our Chief of Security to safeguard us, and then it shifts.”

“After Jim gave me his word we wouldn’t be shot at, hm? That just adds insult to injury, doesn’t it?”

“I believe some would find the irony to be amusing.”

Leonard huffed. “I’m sure not one of them.”

“Indeed.” Another moment to enjoy the reprieve he had been given- and it had been given, Leonard only ever interrupted emotion laden confessions when he felt he needed to- and he continued. “It resumes after the Pwil exclusionists had left us, assuming us to be dead. Giotto was unconscious. Ensign Henderson as well, though at the time I had assumed him to have perished.” He noted Leonard’s pained expression at that particular admission and pressed on without addressing it. “You were closest to me, and quickly held my full attention. I touched your cheek just to make sure-”

“I was also unconscious, then.”

“You were.”

“I wasn’t sure if I had passed out or not, ‘s all a bit blurry to me now.”

“You were in pain, and were experiencing multiple organ failure.”

“Don’t remind me.” Leonard pulled a face, showing his discontentment with the assessment.

“I touched your cheek, and this is the second instance in which the dream deviates from reality.”

“What was the first?”

“I did not lose time between Jim issuing his orders and discovering you so.”

“Oh.” Leonard smiled faintly before shifting back into a more sombre expression. “Time skippin’ around and places movin’ without you is pretty standard fare for dreams.”

“Indeed. In this, Vulcans and humans are similar, though I believe we pull more directly from our memories than humans do.”

Leonard visibly stifled his urge to inquire after his statement.

“Ask me later, Ashayam.”

“I believe I will- the information the High Council approved disseminating didn’t include anything about sleep cycles.” His scorn for the lack of medically relevant information available to Starfleet regarding Vulcans would likely never wane.

“Touching your mind to confirm your status was consistent with the event, however, the dialogue that followed when you awoke differed greatly.”

Leonard gently prompted him to continue after a moment. “How so?”

“It mirrored your confession to me from Theplere-leion.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Indeed.”

“Dramatic deathbed confessions of love are the worst.”

He smiled. “I believe that perhaps you should make an exception. The results have proven to be quite pleasing.”

“Well, Mr Spock, I do believe you have the right of it in this case.”

Several minutes were lost to soft kisses and softer caresses, sweet reassurances and gentle affirmations to further prove the point.

“Did it end there?”

He shook his head. “You lost consciousness, and I could no longer feel your mind against mine.”

“You don’t mean like the bond broke?” Leonard seemed horrified and curious all at once.

At that, he did feel a brief flash of guilt- they had discussed Vulcan telepathy and their bond to a degree, but not fully as of yet, nor had they yet practiced making use of it. More specifically, he had not detailed to Leonard the ways in which it could be used- the bitter irony of his negligence perhaps having led to this conversation in the first place did not escape him. And he was stalling. Again. He noted to himself to discuss the bond in greater depth at the next given opportunity- resolved to create an opportunity the following day- and proceeded. “I do.”

“That’s...” His expression shifted to one indicating that he was deeply unsettled. “I can’t even imagine not being able to feel you at this point. It must have been horrible.”

“Indeed.”

They laid in silence for a time, both reflecting on the matter. Leonard suddenly shifted, holding him more tightly and resting his cheek against his temple. “Was there anything after that?”

“No. I woke at that point, as I have over the last eight nights.”

“Fuck. Every night? The same thing?”

“I believe I share your sentiment.”

“No wonder you’re doing so poorly.”

“I... Yes.”

“Is... Is there anything else I can do for you? I mean... I’m not sure what will help, aside from just... You know you can wake me up after, right?”

“You would sacrifice your sleep to comfort me?”

“Of course! Of course I would. Will, if you let me. I... Hell, I’m not gonna lie and say I might not be a bit, uh... Well, you know how I am after surprise wake-up calls-”

“Grumpy. Dazed. Snappish prior to caffeinating, with people aside from myself.”

Leonard chuckled softly. “Yeah. That. At least I’d only be with you? No snapping in sight.”

“Indeed. Additionally... You are rather more tactile when you are not yet fully aware.”

A sharply raised eyebrow, an incredulous laugh. “You like that?”

“...Affirmative.”

“Oh, love. If I’d known that...”

He raised an eyebrow of his own.

“Well, you’re gonna get sick of me hanging off of you in no time at all, now that I know you’ll let me.”

“K’diwa, I do not believe that the occurrence of such an event is possible.”

Leonard pulled back to kiss him again, brushing the tips of their noses together. “Good. That’s good.”

“Indeed.”

“...D’ya wanna try sleeping now, or take your mind off of it for a bit?”

“I believe that I am... relaxed enough to sleep at this point.”

“Good! Now, don’t even think about not wakin’ me up if you need to, y’hear?”

“I hear you, Ashayam.”

“Good. Good night, Spock.”

“Good night, Leonard.”

Another kiss, and silence. Spock was asleep before Leonard began snoring, for the first time since the incident.


End file.
